14 February 2020 00:38
These messages will get your date blushing (Picture: Shutterstock) With Valentine's Day now just a stone's throw away, you wouldn't be alone if you were rushing out to get the perfect (if not last minute) Valentine's Day card and romantic gift. You know, the type of card that's romantic, but not cheesy? Cheeky and funny, but not too crass? And then there's the message you write inside – what should you say? How can you express your love and wit at the same time?
Frankly, it's a minefield. Luckily we're here to help with a selection of rude Valentine's Day jokes and poems. Cheeky jokes and poems for Valentine's Day From the dirty to the tongue in cheek – here are some jokes you can include in your cards to inject a bit of humour into your Valentine's Day. I like your style I like your class but most of all I like your ass. Get saucy with your Valentine… (Picture: Getty) Guys are like roses, Watch out for the pricks. My knickers get wet What do single people call Valentine's Day?
Happy Independence Day! Let's sin On a tiger skin Or, if you prefer We could err On a different fur. Romance not your thing? Try a joke (Picture: Getty) What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on. Hearts and roses and kisses galore, What the hell is all of that shit for? People get mushy and start acting queer, It is definitely the most annoying day of the year. This day needs to get the hell over with and pass, Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass! I'll spend the day so drunk that I just can't speak, And wear only black for the rest of the week. Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade, For all they are doing is trying to get laid. The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit, Because I think love is a big crock of shit! So here is my story, what else can I say? Love bites my ass… Fuck Valentine's Day! What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine's Day. I'm using my hand, Thinking of you. Violets are blue I canât wait to go to travelodge with you – Rupi Kaur — haaris (@__haaris) January 22, 2020 a Valentineâs Day poem to give to a male that wonât commit to you: Roses are red Tulips are pink I got you a toothbrush Cause boy your breath stink Iâve thought about our relationship And how much it means And Iâve come to the conclusion That I need other peens — silly (@csilly_) February 12, 2020 I love you around the clock, I love your body, your mind and your soul, And not just your massive… heart. Advertisement You're like breakfast: great in bed! What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener. Feeling smooth? Try these lines (Picture: Getty) I'm like butter, you can spread me anytime. You make me feel like a unicorn – wild and horny. We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows… you're hot and I want to be on top of you. Credit: LotsOfJokes, Verses4Cards MORE: Valentine's Day: We review 11 lingerie brands so you don't have to MORE: How to plan a Valentine's date that will actually make your relationship stronger Advertisement Advertisement Happy Valentine's Day: 10 #HealthPolicyValentines to celebrate Feb. 14 Since 2012, healthcare experts and policy wonks have posted love notes to the industry on Twitter around Valentine's Day in the form of #HealthPolicyValentines. Ten of Becker's Hospital Review's 2020 favorites, listed in alphabetical order: 1. Andy Slavitt (former administrator of CMS): "Hotspotters" are still hot to me. 2. Dania Palanker (health policy expert at Georgetown University Center on Health Insurance Reforms): Roses are red/Violets are blue/The P is for portability/But HIPAA protects privacy too. 3. Emma Sandoe, PhD (founder of #HealthPolicyValentines): They say the key to a good relationship is a Healthy Adult Opportunity. 4. House Committee on Education and Labor: Roses are red/Violets are blue/The Committee has spoken: No surprise billing for you! 5. John Mullahy, PhD (professor of health economics at the University of Wisconsin-Madison): Roses are red/Violets are blue/Really well identified empirical models in health policy research/ Are few. 6. Mary Politi, PhD (health psychologist and professor of surgery at Washington University School of Medicine): Roses are red/Violets are blue/Coronavirus in the U.S. is not as scary as the flu. 7. Massachusetts Health and Hospital Association: ER sign is red/Scrubs are blue/Let's increase access/And efficiency too. 8. Medicaid and CHIP Payment and Access Commission: My love for you is more transparent than supplemental payments. 9. Sarah Kliff (health policy journalist): Roses are red/Band-Aids are brown/They can cost $629 in one Connecticut town. Thomas Novak (Medicaid interoperability lead at ONC and CMS): Girl, I must be methicillin and you must be MRSA because I cannot resist you! More articles on leadership and management: North Carolina employee association, New Hanover Regional pour money into competing ads One Brooklyn Health System appoints first chairpersons 25 medical pioneers to celebrate this Black History Month © Copyright ASC COMMUNICATIONS 2020. Interested in LINKING to or REPRINTING this content? View our policies by clicking here.